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One time I was at a concert and overheard these two girls talking in line behind me. "Oh my god! I've never been to a concert before! Do they show, like, videos or what?! Ohmigod!"

It's amazing to think such crazy things, but some people have never gone to a concert before, and they just do not know how to act. So I have decided to write a list of different tips and suggestions about attending rock concerts. If you have any suggestions of your own please feel free to write and tell us what you think we should add! If we deem it worthy we will add it with your name so people can email you and complain! Yay!

update: 09.21.04

HERE IS A HANDY LIST OF HELPFUL HINTS FOR ATTENDING CONCERTS! 

•   Be nice! "Please" and "Thank You" never killed anyone.



•   Respect the venue! They don't have to let the promoters put on shows. If you fuck up the venue you will not see any more live music there. Its as simple as that. Don't spray paint the building, you probably suck. This goes for bands as well. Its great that you made some stickers at Kinkos, good job. Please don't plaster them all over the building. If people haven't heard of your band yet you probably need to play more shows or practice more so you do not suck.



•   Respect the audience!



•   Respect the band!



•   Bring money! The concert costs money. Yes, really. When the flyer says $6 it means that it will cost $6 to get into the show. Really. Don't try to sneak into the show. If you are completely broke ask the people at the door if you can help with something to get inside. Ask around outside if someone has spare change (but be nice about it!). Even if the concert happens to be free its handy to have a couple of bucks on you just incase. When the sign says "water: 1 dollar" don't ask for a free one, because the sign is there for a reason. Maybe next time you'll remember to bring your own bottle.



•   Shut your cakehole! Do you talk when you go to the movie? No? Then shut your face while the band is playing so the people around you can feel like they got their moneys worth. Also they will not hate you.



•   Earplugs good. Hearing good. Trust me, I have hearing loss.



•   Keep security in mind. Most security guys aren't dicks. Wait. Actually, most of them are. You should be aware of this. Back talking to them or acting like you're much tougher than they are is the WORST way to handle things. This will only make them want to throw your ass outside. Which they can and will.



•   Keep your booze in the car. Seriously. No one will think you're cool for sneaking your booze into the venue. There's nothing more pitiful than a security guy escorting you out when you get caught. Unless it is watching the cops give a 15 year old an MIP. Oh yeah, you kids with the big gulp cup who grimace when you take a sip? We know its not just Mt. Dew. Don't get pissed when they take it away.



•   If you do decide to drink, please do not drink to the point of passing out, vomiting, or putting your fist through things like windows, doors, or peoples faces.



•   Keep your crack at home. No one likes a crackhead.



•   Don't stand outside the entire time. C'mon. It is a concert, people! Not a fucking sewing circle for gabby old ladies! If you don't have money, think the bands suck, or are deaf then why the fuck did you bother to head down to the show anyways? Yeah, I'm talking about you, ass!



•   Boys! You do not need to pee all over the bathroom! Aim for the urinal or toilet or sink. PLEASE!



•   Girls! You look fine, don't hog the bathroom checking your makeup. Odds are the old men in the bands wouldn't care if you had a paper bag over your face as long as you show them your boobies. *I'd also like to add: Ladies, your vaginas are nice. You don't need to let every moron in a band inside yours. This goes double for "old" bands. The main reason they're trying to nail younger girls is that the groupies who are their own ages are kinda wore out and nasty. Which you will be as well if you keep being a slut.*



•   Hey you! Yeah, the sweaty fat guy! We do not need to see your hairy man-boobs dripping sweat by the gallon. Keep your shirt on please. This goes for most people. Sweat+hugs=lame.



•   No, I don't have a cigarette. Fuck off.



•   You kids in the corner making out! No one wants to watch. Take it out to the alley!



•   All of you people in a crew: you look quite tough and very similar to each other. Congratulations! Please keep in mind there is no valid reason to beat up, sneer at, or otherwise look down upon anyone who disagrees with your philosophies, music, tight pants, or bad haircuts. Chill out.



•   Photographers: Pushing your way through a crowd to get the great shots really shows your dedication to your craft. Pushing your way through a crowd with a gigantic bag for your gear strapped around you only shows that you don't know what you're doing and are an ass for smashing it into everyone. Stop it.



•   Have a sense of humor people. Seriously.



•   Buy your merch at the end of the show. Unless you like wearing more than one t-shirt, or enjoy having your new cd jab you in the ass as you mosh.



•   Try to plan for time. I plan on each band taking about an hour, including their set and the time it takes to get their gear ready. Nothing sucks more than having to leave before the headliner plays because you told your ride to pick you up an hour early.



•   When you go to a show and buy a new shirt, don't wear it at the very next concert you attend to show it off. Unless you want to be wearing the same shirt as the other 30 people who bought one.



•   Don't get super excited JUST for the hit single song. That's lame.



•   Moshing is fine, but don't be a dick. If someone falls, pick them up. No one will think you are tough because you stepped on a 16 year old girl.



•   The floor is for standing, dancing, and sitting down between bands. It is not for lying down, garbage, spitting, or stickers.



•   Don't take the mic if you can't sing. This goes double for you drunk people.



•   When a band hands the crowd a bottle of water you should take a drink, and pass it to the next person. Under no condition should you firmly grasp it and begin shaking it up and down like a caveman with a stick, spraying everyone around you with water. In some cultures this is grounds for a solid beating.



•   If you think you are being smooth by using your moshing and dancing to cop a cheap feel I have news for you: EVERYONE KNOWS WHAT YOU ARE DOING! STOP IT NOW!



•   ANONYMOUS READER SUBMISSION: Just because the promoter is on your livejournal, myspace, friendster, etc DOES NOT MEAN you are getting in for free and know them like their moms.



•   TORI SEZ: Fat stage divers, a tip: 5 people can not carry your ass across the floor and you'll most likely end up diving into the concrete. Save us all the time of cleaning up your blood and go play in traffic.



•   TORI SEZ: Trying to score free merch by acting holier than thou and crowding in line will only get you shut out and make you go home empty handed.