~6/07/02-MOVIE TALKING BASTARDS!!!

Ok, we all know what they are. People that talk during movies. I’m sure some of you out there are even members of this horrid little group. You bastards. I’m a pretty calm guy, but people that talk during movies annoy the shit out of me. If I pay $7 to watch a movie I want to sit and enjoy it in peace, not have some random moron talk the entire time or make “witty” comments. When Lord of the Rings came out we hit the opening day show, and it was fairly calm. Sporadic clapping when the title came up, etc. Nothing too major. Until the scene where Arwen, Liv Tylers character, appears. At that point in the movie someone behind us muttered under his breath “Is that a sexy little girl? Ohh yess, yes it is a sexy little girl” and other assorted perversions, all in the stereotypical pervert voice. Made me a wee bit pissed, but as it was a customer I didn’t want to give him any shit.

Last weekend myself, Jon from Steelgirl.com, Randall from T-Bone Bandit.com, Stephanie and someone who shall remain nameless all went down to catch Undercover Brother. (and let me say don’t pay for this movie if you don’t have to. I saw it for free, otherwise I’d be bitching) Now, all of my party is pretty calm and mature, except for the nameless individual. He started talking during the previews, and didn’t stop commenting on crap for the entire movie. I’m not talking little things, I’m talking full on screaming. When the scene where the two girls are fighting in the shower started he screams “YEAAAH!!!” and begins clapping. That’s a little extreme. Now, the funny thing is that I know there were a few people that weren’t laughing at the movie but at him for being such a dork. Poor Jon had to sit next to the spaz. I’m amazed he didn’t whip out his fist with bitch-slap action!

Sometimes you have to expect a little movie talking, and should be ok with it.  At the recent midnight showing of Star Wars: Attack of the Clones I fully knew that people would be hooting, hollering, clapping, and commenting throughout the entire movie. Sometimes this can be pretty funny. Trappman screaming “SWEET BUTTERY JESUS!!!!” when the popcorn pops during the lame ACT III opening clip. Or when Cam yelled “Bite his legs!” during the Yoda fight scene (Cam is also notorious for losing control of his body when he starts laughing at something incredibly funny. During Jay & Silent Bob Strike Back he wound up kicking the chair in front of him so hard it broke, and snapped out of the brackets that held it down.). Or when the guy I was sitting next to made little humping motions with his hands during EVERY scene Natalie Portman was in. These things can be fond memories of a fine movie going experience.

Being a pretty nice guy I usually just let people get away with it. Of course then there's times when I snap and, um, tell someone that if they ever talk at a movie I’m watching with them again I’ll punch them in the throat. Now, I wouldn’t actually do that. But you never know. Some people don’t have much control, and REALLY hate movie talkers. Look at that poor bastard who got stabbed at the Old Mill Ten. That’s what happens to movie talkers!!