~7/5/02-Things I heard on the Fourth of July.

"I've been trying to get hard for an hour, but I've got Crankdick." 

"It's like those rednecks that shoot guns and eat meat to celebrate the fourth"  "Shit, that's what we were doing two hours ago." 

"Duuude, me and that bird had a serious thing going. We were ROCKING OUT man! I was banging my head, he was banging his head, it was some serious rock shit man." 

"I like it when my kids try to hide that they're stoned, they get so paranoid" 

"Gentlemen, I am officially ganked." "What were you two hours ago?" "Spun out, and soon I'll be geetered" "Oh."

"I saw a toy that looked just like you P.J., it was between the toys of Jesus and Sigmund Freud."

Ahh, the fourth of July. Independence day. A day to celebrate this great country, and the freedoms that we have. What better way to celebrate than by shooting guns, eating meat, and lighting explosives while drinking? This has been one of the most bizarre 4th's I've ever had. We went out shooting, then headed over to a friends house to partake of some fine bbq, then headed back to Jon's house. First thing I see upon entering the door is our friend High Speed Dirk spread out on the couch in a very erotic pose, stroking his crotch. Thank god he was wearing shorts. Things began to get weird after that.... From older ladies offering me pie and hamburgers while playing their Out of Africa soundtrack, to watching the fireworks from the deck of a house up on the local "rich hill" while songs from The Rocky Horror Picture Show played in the background, to being offered to smoke shit out of a lightbulb while Sabbath played. (of course I declined. I'm the SoberGuy.) Even though I've generally got a distaste for our local rich hill, I do have to say that this was the best place to watch the fireworks I've yet to encounter in Central Oregon. High enough to see everything, including the fireworks display in Redmond, but far enough away so we didn't have to worry about stray falling embers lighting us on fire.